Magic in the Moonlight is in some ways a new low for Woody Allen, and that’s saying something! If this film had been made by some young, unknown filmmaker – like the debut film of some guy affiliated with the Sundance Institute, for example – that person would be an instant laughingstock, the film would be eviscerated by the critics (if it was even released), and he would probably never make another movie again. But because it’s Woody Allen, this trite, insipid, and shockingly boring piece of rubbish is getting amazingly forgiving reviews and is clogging theaters in New York, preventing all kinds of interesting smaller films from having much of a run, or being shown at all. Angelika still has it on three screens, as if there’s nothing else worth seeing! It pisses me off!

Why do actors and actresses continue to flock to Woody Allen in order to be humiliated in one of his movies? Is it some weird Hollywood rite of passage? The participation of Eileen Atkins and Jakki Weaver I get – at a certain age, you take any roles that come to you. But Emma Stone and Colin Firth do not have to appear in shit like this; they more or less have their pick of the crop. Why would they choose Magic in the Moonlight? The film is entirely unfunny and entirely uninteresting. The two main characters are stale, platitudinous creations. The dialog is painfully bad. The story is tedious and vacuous at the same time. The film is rife with embarrassments. It’s probably the worst film I’ve seen all year, and it’s been a terrible year for film.

Enough. I will waste no more time reviewing this wretched film.