Dear Richard Linklater,

My wife and I are giving you and your co-writers permission to not wait another nine years to make the next movie, and suggesting that instead you make one in two years, at which time you should take another stab at this film, Before Midnight, dismissing this existing version in some creative way – a nightmare, or a communication from a parallel universe, something like that. This will give you all more time to reflect on the profundities of human mid-life, develop a greater artistic perspective on it all, and create a work of art worthy of the first two films in your series.

Given the wonderful surprises and insights the first two films contain regarding their respective periods of life, I can’t believe that the three of you looked at human mid-life and all you could come up with is you have kids, grow bitter, and develop petty contempt for your spouse. Jesus, man! Tell us something we don’t already know! As Andre Gregory would say, the artistic picture of the world you’re showing people is exactly the picture of the world they have already, and (as he predicted) that’s why its so boring and deadening.

I always saw the first two movies not so much as a story of two people, but as an artistic rendition of powerful internal forces in human life. In the first, it’s a scenario of falling in love and connecting that few people get to experience, and yet everyone experiences on some more subtle, less literal level.  The second film is about the possibility of redoing your life when you are already down a road that seems impossible to reverse, again a fantasy, but one that in more subtle ways people confront. I might also say they were at their core about the possibility of mental freedom, in a way. But what mid-life possibilities is this third film exploring? That we all wind up fucking miserable, and totally lose ourselves in angst-ridden regret and inarticulate belligerence? Personally, I am finding midlife just as surprising and profound as earlier periods of my life, maybe more so. True, I also find it more complicated, but given that I don’t have anything like the economic privilege and relative luxury that the three of you possess as a result of your charmed professions, please let my exhortations inspire you all to reflect more deeply on the possibilities of this time of life.

I’m happy that your collaborative process allows you to mine the events from each of your lives during the past 9 years, but you should know better than anyone that these characters are not necessarily just literal reflections of your lives. You invented them 18 years ago, and I imagine they should have over time some internal congruence as characters. Based on the prior two films, I don’t really believe she would develop such open contempt for Jesse. I don’t know if I believe they would have cheated on each other, but if they did I certainly don’t believe they would not have already talked about it. I don’t believe they would not have already thoroughly discussed her feelings about the terrifying birth of their daughters, or his ever-developing guilt about his son. I don’t believe they would suddenly have nothing interesting to say about anything, or that he would be stuck wishing she would metamorphose into an moronic bimbo. Frankly, I don’t even believe that their basic speech patterns would have changed so much in nine years. I think something went terribly awry in the creative process – these characters don’t seem like themselves at all.

Also, another tip as you are working on the revision of the story: the only characters with substantial speaking roles should be the two leads. That’s what everyone is paying money to see: Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke, walking around, talking to each other (walking around someplace beautiful and interesting, not sitting in a generic motel room.) The dinner scene in the beginning was way too long, the characters were not set up well at all, nor were they interesting, the content of the discussion was really boring (including the contributions of Celine and Jesse,) and the whole long, drawn-out scene did not serve any function relative to the ideas later in the film. Ditto for the overly long scene in the beginning where Jesse gets “feedback” on his new book ideas from all those oafs – that’s a discussion that Jesse and Celine would have had, and should have had. When you have magic in your grasp, don’t discard it.

Anyway, thanks for your time and consideration, and I’ll be anxiously awaiting Before Midnight Redux, releasing in theaters June 2015.

Yours Truly,

Mr. Irreviews