I honestly couldn’t tell you why I watched this thing. Chalk it up to temporary brain death. I had a lot of time to think during this film, and I found my mind wandering to the following topic: have I ever watched a film this bad in its entirety? The answer is I actually watched one in its entirety that was worse: Synecdoche, New York (2009). In comparing the two, Mirror Mirror’s few merits come to the fore. At least the chick playing Snow White looks a bit like Jennifer Connelly used to look, and Julia Roberts (the last of the old-time movie stars) is always kind of fun to watch, and every once in a while she delivers a line that sounded good in the preview. Sure, the film’s comedy was painful, the heartfelt emotion was painful, the action scenes were painful, Nathan Lane was painful, the dwarfs were painful, and the autotuned music video over the credits was REALLY painful, almost to the point of tears. (The lyrics: I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, in love! In love!) But unlike Synecdoche, New York, at least I didn’t feeling like killing myself once the film was finished. I just felt numb.

So it’s maybe the second worst movie I’ve ever watched in its entirety.