When my wife and I got through watching this movie, she turned to me and said “I guess 13 Going On 30 was Gary Winick’s one good movie,” to which I replied “it helped that 13 Going On 30 had an actual SCREENPLAY!” She concurred.

I get the distinct impression that Gary Winick looked at this dog of a screenplay and thought to himself “I wonder if I could carry the whole film on Amanda Seyfried’s face?!” And then he set about to capture this woman’s wide face in overly extended close-ups as frequently and as beautifully as possible, and in every manner and variety of exquisite lighting imaginable. The guy couldn’t even be bothered to film the Italian countryside he was so fixated on memorializing this gal’s face in celluloid. I mean, you do see the Italian countryside a bit, whizzing by in the background, but it’s mostly by accident. The problem is, I think he has really badly overestimated the power of Amanda Seyfried’s face (or anyone’s face for that matter.)

This film has almost literally has no dialog. “How did you sleep last night? – I slept really well thanks.” Not dialog. “There’s more Lorenzos to look for – Yes, more Lorenzos to look for.” Not dialog! “I’m going to be busy until Friday, is that okay with you? – Yes, that’s okay with me.” NOT DIALOG! “My mother died when I was young. – I’m so sorry to hear that.” NOT DIALOG! Good God, where did these writers learn their craft?! It sounds like they just set up mics in their houses and recorded the boring drivel of every day existence, and then transcribed it.

That’s problem number one: there is not a single interesting or compelling thing uttered in the entire movie. Problem number two is that the young romantic lead (Christopher Egan) is a completely disastrous piece of casting. The guy has no timing whatsoever, no presence whatsoever, no chemistry with Amanda Seyfried (or her face) and in my opinion is not very good looking – It’s a “lose” all across the board. Unfortunately, Winick also shows a lot of close-ups of this guy’s face, way too many in my opinion. (What else does he have to do, I guess? No one in the film is saying anything!!)

It’s hard not to like Vanessa Redgrave, and she does look really good in her extended face shots! But really she is just hamming her way through this movie. And the supporting casting and acting is piss poor. I sort of think they all just wanted to spend a month in the Italian countryside, fucking around, and this opportunity dropped in their laps. Presto: bad movie.

Oh, and one last thing. Playing a Taylor Swift song during the climax just seals the awfulness of this film with a sickening finality. I mean, please.

The way I see things, as far as romantic fluff in movies goes, there is good romantic fluff, great romantic fluff, and bad romantic fluff. The problem with most critics is that they can’t tell the difference – it’s all “stupid, mindless, unrealistic fluff.”

Winick has done all three varieties. 13 Going On 30 (2004) was great romantic fluff – a fabulous screenplay, charismatic leads who had great chemistry and who were also fine actors, superb supporting performances and casting, an incredible score and an incredible soundtrack (it’s rare to have both!) and a fabulous denouement and ending. Bride Wars (2009) was good romantic fluff – nothing special, nothing you would ever watch again, but fun to watch once, and done with taste and a certain amount of class and style.

Now he has completed his trifecta. Congratulations to him!